


These Magic Moments

by track_04



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Drunk Sex, First Time, Frottage, M/M, Magician-Themed Dirty Talk, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-07 16:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7721758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/track_04/pseuds/track_04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gob mistakes a missionary trip for a hot travel deal, meets and has sex with Tony Wonder, and comes to a very important life decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Magic Moments

**Author's Note:**

  * For [originally](https://archiveofourown.org/users/originally/gifts).



> I decided to go with "Wonder" being a stage name that Tony picks up later in life so I could make a joke.

The first time Gob had sex with Tony Wonder was in a hotel room somewhere in rural Mexico. 

The year was 1997, and Gob had just begun his first and only stint as part of a group doing missionary work. He’d signed up with the group after spotting their display table in a mall parking lot and mistaking them for a discount travel agency that specialized in lesser known tourist destinations. After reading their pamphlet and being impressed by their rates, he promptly signed up for what he believed to be a month-long tour of the Mexican countryside.

A week later, he had a flight booked to Mexico City, where he was set to meet the rest of the group. He asked Michael to give him a ride to the airport, thinking that it was the sort of brotherly thing that Michael secretly loved and therefore not at all an inconvenience; he was probably the one doing Michael a favor by giving him an outlet to fulfill his familial duties.

After he explained the situation, Gob handed Michael a copy of a brochure he's gotten from the group and adopted an expression that he thought made him looking giving. It actually made him look a bit constipated.

Michael skimmed the brochure and looked up at Gob in disbelief. “You know what this is, right?”

“Yes, Michael, I do,” Gob said, rolling his eyes. 

"And you're interested in this? It doesn't really seem like your style."

"A month of adventure and soul-searching and access to cheap booze isn't my style? Oh, brother, I thought you knew me better than that."

Michael looked down at the paper in his hands, then back up at Gob. He started to say something but stopped and shook his head. “You know what? I'm not even going to touch this one.”

“Look, Michael. I know you’re probably jealous that I’m getting this opportunity while you’re stuck at home with your wife and kid and sixteen dogs or whatever--"

"We don't have any dogs."

"--but as my brother, I think you should be able to put that all aside and be happy that one of us is still alive enough to want to live out their dreams."

Michael sighed and laid the brochure on the counter. “If I give you a ride to the airport, will you promise not to bring back any inappropriate gifts for me or my family?”

“Of course,” Gob said, clapping him on the back. "I wasn't planning on bringing you anything in the first place."

\--

Two days later, Gob was in Mexico City boarding the group’s bus. The bag slung over his shoulder contained a deck of cards, a Spanish language porn magazine that he'd picked up at the airport, and dozens of mini bottles of alcohol that he’d borrowed from the mini bar in his parent's bathroom. He climbed the steps onto the bus and walked down the empty aisle, trying to project the aura of a man who was ready for adventure. He spotted an empty seat next to a man sporting frosted tips and wearing a pair of knock-off Ray-Bans and made a bee line for it, elbowing a middle-aged woman out of the way when it looked like she might get there before him.

He put on his best game face and sat down, settling his bag between his feet, ignoring the way the bottles inside clanked together dangerously. He turned to face the man, keeping his voice low and trying to sound bored. “Hey.”

“Hey.” The man nodded back, somehow managing to look and sound even less interested than Gob. Gob was secretly impressed, even while he decided that the sunglasses gave the man an unfair advantage. It was easier to look bored when no one else could see your eyes.

“So, Mexico. Pretty awesome, just being able to take off for a month like this.” Gob slouched in his seat and made a mental note to buy a pair of sunglasses as soon as the opportunity arose. Not knock-offs--the real thing. “No worries at all. Just travel, the open road, the chance to find yourself out among the dunes.”

The man’s eyebrows twitched, but the rest of his face remained impassive. “Do they have dunes in Mexico?”

“Of course. They’re famous for their dunes,” Gob said. He had no idea if this was actually the truth. “That’s why they’re in all the movies. About Mexico, that is. Not movies in general.”

“No, you're right. The famous Mexican dunes,” the man said. He had no idea if Gob was actually right. “I’m Tony. Tony Danza.”

Gob eyed him back, dragging the silence out until he finally arched an eyebrow and gave a quick, approving nod. “Nice name. It’s got a good ring to it.”

Tony shrugged and pushed his glasses up off of his face, letting them rest atop his head in his over-gelled hair. “I’m thinking of changing it, actually. People are always asking me if I'm their boss.”

“Weird. I wouldn’t have thought there were many Tony Danzas in positions of authority around the world.”

“Right?” Tony had apparently forgotten that he was supposed to be playing it cool, since he had something that bordered on a smile on his face. “So, what’s your name?”

“Gob Bluth.” 

It was Tony’s turn to nod in approval. “Well, Gob. You seem like a pretty cool guy. I’m glad we’re on this vacation together.”

“Me, too,” said Gob, looking around them for potential eavesdroppers before he leaned closer and continued in a stage whisper, “based on the other people I talked to before I boarded the bus, I think we’re probably the most interesting people here.”

“Oh yeah. No contest.” Tony slipped his sunglasses back down over his eyes and smiled. “They’re lucky to have us here.”

“Definitely,” Gob said, settling back against his seat. 

Michael had probably been right to be jealous of him. He was really missing out.

\--

The bus stopped for the night in a small village a few hours outside of Mexico City. Gob was glad for the break, since everyone else on the bus--with the exception of hinself and Tony--seemed to only enjoy boring things, like talking about helping others and reading books and listening to Creed on their headphones. No one seemed at all impressed by Gob's many stories about his own awesomeness. Or Tony's stories, which were only slightly less interesting.

They gave up on trying to impress the other passengers a few hours in and spent the rest of the bus ride trading tales back and forth, until they got sidetracked talking about their favorite daytime soaps.

They were in the middle of a somewhat heated debate about the relative merit of evil twin storylines when they climbed off the bus and went to collect their luggage, only to be interrupted by a woman with a clipboard and a too-friendly smile. 

“You must be Mr. Bluth and Mr. Danza.”

“Guilty as charged,” Gob said. Beside him, Tony made a firing motion with his finger, and Gob nodded his approval. “Nice.”

“Thanks. Picked that one up in Vegas.”

The woman looked down at her clipboard and then back up at them, her smile widening until she was showing a frightening amount of teeth. “I’m glad you seem to be getting along so well, since it looks like you get to be roomies on this trip.”

“Wait.” Gob held up a hand. “Are you saying we have to share a room? I know you have certain financial constraints providing the services that you do, but doesn’t that seem a bit cheap to you?” He wrinkled his nose and looked at Tony. “No offense.” 

“None taken.” Tony nodded to show that they were still cool. “I have to agree with this guy. I know we got a big discount here, but it's not like this is some charity."”

The woman laughed uncertainly, her expression confused when neither man joined in. “Yes...well. Just think of this as a good way to get to know each other and for the two of you to share some of your experiences while you’re here.”

“Share our experiences?” Gob repeated, frowning. “You mean like roommates in those 80s movies who are already really desirable, but then they move in together and become friends and are even more desirable?”

"Or like that show on MTV where they make a bunch of strangers live in a house together while they tape their lives. And they all become best friends and everyone who watches the show loves them.” 

“Maybe sharing a room isn’t a bad idea after all." Gob stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe it’s actually pretty clever.”

“Ingenious, even.” Tony was still wearing his sunglasses, so it was hard get a real read on his expression, but his mouth looked impressed. "So, what do you think?"

Gob turned toward the woman and snapped his fingers. “We’ll take it.”

"...great,” the woman said, her smile strained as she handed them their room key. "Dinner's at the restaurant across the street at 7. Don't be late." 

\--

Dinner would have been almost as boring as the bus ride, but luckily they had Gob and Tony to provide entertainment for the group in the form of more stories about themselves.

A few of the people there were lost causes and didn't seem to want to talk about anything except jeopardy and doing unto others, and blah blah blah. Gob wasn't sure about a lot of the specifics, since he tuned out most of it and focused his attention on the group of middle-aged women sitting across from them. They seemed to be dazzled by both his and Tony's charms, if the way they wouldn't stop staring at them in shock and disbelief was any indication. They seemed especially amazed by Gob's story about his short-lived career as the star of an off-Broadway erotic puppet show, and only slightly less interested when Tony regaled them with tales of his time as a door-to-door pole dancer.

Tony was in the middle of explaining the mechanics of portable stripper poles when one of the women stood, clearing her throat awkwardly. Gob made a point not to smile at her directly, since she already seemed overcome with lust for him, and he didn't want to risk any scenes until after he's finished his chicken. 

"Well, it's been nice--" She threw the women around her a pointed look. "--but it's getting late and we really need to turn in."

"Already, Gladys? But we were just getting started," Gob said, leaning forward to rest his chin against his hand. 

"That's what I'm afraid of," she said, laughing awkwardly while the other women stood to join you. "We'll see you boys...around."

"You can count on it." Tony made a finger gun at them as they walked away, then turned to Gob with a satisfied look. "I think that went well."

"Definitely. They were very impressed with you gyrating demonstration. You're pretty good at that."

Tony nodded. "It's a gift."

"So," Gob said, smacking his hands against the table. A few seats down, a man in a white polo shirt not-so subtly scooted his chair further away from them. "The night is still young. Where to now?"

"This place has to have a bar, right?"

"Of course. What kind of town wouldn't have a bar?"

"Crazy town, that's where." Gob clapped Tony on the back and they made their way out into the evening air.

\--

An hour later, they were back in their hotel room, covered in cheap beer and looking slightly defeated. 

"Maybe the bar wasn't such a good idea," Tony said, peeling off his shirt before he flopped backwards onto the bed.

"Well, it's not like we could have known they actually take soccer seriously here. Who does that?" Gob grabbed his shoulder bag and set it on the bed, where he unzipped it to show off the bottles inside. "I feel more like staying in and drinking anyway."

"You really are awesome," Tony said, staring at the bag in wonder.

"Obviously." Gob winked and handed him a bottle of schnapps.

It took an hour and five bottles apiece before they wound up on their stomachs on one of the room’s saggy double beds, watching a fuzzy broadcast of Sesame Street in Spanish. Gob had no idea why a children’s show would be on this late at night, but it was the only station that the battered TV could pick up, so he decided not to question it. It wasn’t quite as glamorous as what you’d see on MTV or in an 80s movie, but Gob felt that he and Tony made up for that with their mutually overwhelming charisma and style.

“Do you think they pay the count?” Tony said, frowning at the TV. 

Gob turned to look at him, resting his cheek against his arms as he took a moment to consider. “For what?”

“Counting things. He spends all of his time helping people out, counting things, but no one ever says thank you.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s independently wealthy,” Gob said, shrugging. “He owns a castle. And he wears a cape. The only people who are allowed to wear capes like that are either independently wealthy or they work at one of those medieval-themed restaurants.”

“Magicians, too. They definitely get to wear capes whenever they want.”

“Which is why being a magician is something that everyone should aspire to.” Gob smiled a little at the thought. “Maybe I’ll become a magician.”

Tony lifted his head up, his eyes widening a little. "That is a brilliant idea."

“It is?”

“Yes. It’s the perfect idea, actually.” Tony rolled onto his side, expression suddenly intense. “We should quit our jobs and become magicians.”

“I don’t have a job,” Gob said, holding out his hand for Tony to shake. “But when I get back, I’m going to get one. And then I’m going to quit, so that I can become a magician. With you.”

Tony reached out to take Gob’s hand. “We’ll be like Siegfried and Roy. But younger.”

“And without the tigers.” Gob’s voice dropped a few notches until he was not-quite whispering, his hand clasping Tony’s to keep him from pulling it away. “And with capes. I’m pretty sure Siegfried and Roy don’t wear capes.”

“It’s one of the major weaknesses of their act,” Tony said, something determined and sultry in his expression as he shifted a little closer on the bed.

“But not one of ours.” Gob smiled, the expression almost predatory as he moved his face closer to Tony’s. “Because we’re going to have capes.”

“Matching ones.” Tony pressed their clasped hands against his chest, right above his heart, his eyes fixed on Gob’s face. 

Gob’s breath caught a little, the feeling of Tony’s heartbeat against his hand making him narrow his eyes and lean in until their lips were almost touching. They stayed like that for a long moment, breathing each other’s air and not moving. Then, finally, Gob licked his lips and whispered, “With glitter.”

The words had barely left his mouth before Tony surged forward and they were kissing, a clumsy, too-rough war of teeth and tongue. He could taste the alcohol on Tony’s lips and felt his own heartbeat speeding up, matching the one he felt beneath his hand. 

Tony pushed him over onto his back and climbed on top of him, breaking the kiss to whisper back, “And crushed velvet.”

“That’s so hot,” Gob groaned, arching his back as Tony pinned his hands against the mattress above his head. “And I mean that literally. Crushed velvet would be really hot under all those stage lights.”

“Tell me it wouldn’t be worth it,” Tony growled in a low voice, hands tightening around Gob’s, tight enough to make Gob’s breath catch.

“I can’t. Because that would be a lie,” Gob said, his eyes narrowing in challenge as he bucked his hips up against Tony’s, enjoying the way his eyes fluttered shut. 

Tony opened his eyes and started to thrust his hips in earnest, building a slow rhythm that made Gob shift against the bed, seeking out more friction. Gob lifted his head, seeking out Tony’s lips and they stayed like that--Gob pinned to the bed while Tony kissed him and ground their bodies together--until Gob felt his body start to tighten in anticipation.

Tony broke the kiss while they were both still teetering on the edge. Gob groaned in protest, but Tony moved his mouth so he could whisper in Gob’s ear. “I think they should be floor length.”

“Fuck yes,” Gob said, his body bowing upwards as he came. 

Tony thrust his hips once, twice, three more times before he stilled and shuddered against him, his hands staying tight around Gob’s wrists until he finished completely.

Tony released him slowly and rolled over onto his back, stretching out beside him on the tiny, uneven mattress. The TV was still going, the sound of a not-quite familiar children’s song filling some of the silence while they took a moment to catch their breath.

Gob stared up at the ceiling, the combination of alcohol and sex and travel making it hard to keep his eyes open. “I think this is the best idea I’ve ever had while drunk in a strange hotel room in Mexico.”

“Me, too.” Tony’s voice was tired and a bit wistful. “Not like the ideas I usually come up with while drunk and then regret in the morning.”

“Definitely not,” Gob agreed, smiling to himself as he closed his eyes. “Not something we’ll regret or want to find a way to forget so we never have to talk about it again.”

They both fell asleep believing that was true.

(Whether or not it was still true the next morning was, of course, an entirely different story.)


End file.
